Awake

Awake, I used to think I lived life fully awake, until a few of years ago when I truly woke up. I realized I was in the sleepy state where reality merges into dreamland. It all feels so real, but it is not. Alarm clocks go off in the real world, but somehow get merged into a dream. When you meet someone that is fully awake you can tell. They see things, hear things, feel things that most miss. When I would meet these people I would sense that they knew something I did not. They had something I did not, but I knew I wanted it. I wanted to live life fully awake.

Fully awake… not as easy as one would think, but so worth the efforts. I do not want to miss this life anymore. I do not want to try to control it and manipulate it to look like I want it to, like a dream where you try to control the outcome. In a fully awake life, it is choosing the brave, even when I am afraid to experience life as it comes. It is entering into full emotions, instead of avoiding or ignoring them. It is asking God to help me see and hear through His senses. It is asking for His heart to feel with others. It is allowing myself to fully feel, and be fully honest of those feelings. It is admitting them to myself, God, and others when it is appropriate to let them into it.

Fully awake has come with heartaches deeper than I had already known, but allowed me to see God in ways I could never imagine. Fully awake has come with deeper joy than I could ever have imagined and had only sampled in small pieces before. It has allowed me to risk, and allow myself to fail, to not get stuck in shame. It is freedom. At times it is tempting to allow myself to drop back and go into more of a daydream mode to escape the moment, but I have found that now that I have tasted fully awake, I crave it, and never want to go back.

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