Soul Amnesia

So this week brought the news of two deaths. Both were very shocking to the system. These were not people super close at this moment in our stories, but still we have shared a bit of life. One left a legacy and a deep hole for those who knew her. She was a faithful friend and kind soul. She has a family and many dear friends. Her social media pages are covered with people’s heartaches of missing her. The other leaves behind a deep ache for those who tried to help her and love her well. Her page is empty, there are really no words for her tormented mind and soul. She leaves behind questions and heartaches.

I saw this quote from Steve Wright today and put it on my Facebook page. In theory it is funny, but today it reminds me of the state of my soul. “Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I have forgotten this before.” I have forgotten the words of the Psalmist, “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” (Psalm 90:12) It is easy to get lulled into taking days and people for granted. It is easy to miss the significance of looking for the people who have disappeared from life, or who feel too high maintenance. It is easy to forget that when it feels like someone is “begging for attention,” that they are, not that I need to meet everyone’s needs, but what kindness can I offer that might make one more day more bearable for them. And those people who are a blessing and a treasure, how can I be more intentional in speaking life, gratitude, and pleasure over them because time is short, and we are not guaranteed any moment with them.

Right now the heaviness of grief and death hangs low around life. So many I care about are impacted by a loss of loved ones and others loss of people that were messy and there is no longer the opportunities to figure out how to love them well. I continue to wrestle with what it looks like to number my days, not just for me and my life, but those I come in contact with, the people near and dear, the strangers passing in and out, and the messy, lost souls who need extra grace and mercy to make it to a new day. I look to James the brother of Jesus for the next thing to do, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” (James 1:5)